i want tooth bling i want boobs i want a drastic change i want a milkshake.

no but srsly. i am nothing original.

got me lookin’ so crazy right now

your love’s got me lookin’ so crazy right now

i’ve been doing everything except my homework lately. i really like this one boy.

and we’re slow to acknowledge the knots in our laces, heart it races.

and we go back to where we moved back to the places, heart it races.

i bought it in a can, and stirred it with my fingers,

singin’ boom da da da da da boom da da da da

threw it out the window

just because i see things clearer than you do, does NOT mean my vision is disorted.

i refuse to listen to other people in regards to what is best for me. i KNOW what is and isn’t good for me! i KNOW when i’m being stupid! nobody trusts me and that is fair.

i’m cranky and depressed and insecure and i blame it on winter. and my lack of self-care. eff eff eff. i’m so ready for it to be june again. i’m so ready for this depression to end.

i miss spencer. really hard all the time. it makes me really sad that i see him almost daily but we can never talk or connect at all. we can’t cuddle or laugh or relate. we just have nothing to say - it’s uncomfortable and pathetic.

i wish i could move out.

basically i am in love with you. and i will pretend that i’m not for as long as you need me to.

jesus i’m so fussy.

“i’m done trying to hold myself back so i don’t outshine you!”

i am uninspired and moody. i have been listening to tender forever for three days, and she helps a little. mostly not. mostly i am grumpy that i don’t have the time or energy to create the things i have stuck in my brain.

i need to spill some of these secrets. rid myself of these bad ideas and destructive thoughts. i am lost when my life is not being driven by some intense emotion, and that is fucked up? nothing in my life is falling apart right now, and i should feel great. instead i feel bored, and then guilty for feeling bored. my life is fucking awesome by anyone’s standards!

so. WHAT DO YOU NEED EDEN WHAT DO YOU NEED.

i need a run and a stretch and an apple. i need to write these songs and draw these pictures and collage these lighters. i need to buy skirts and pants and save the rest of my money. i need headbands and confidence and the cute boy from my work. i need motivation for and understanding of math. i need connections. i need social time and alone time. i need drinking time. smoking time. i need coffee and vegetables and kisses. i need a back rub. i need sleep.

i miss sunglasses SO BAD.

i wish it were summer so i could drink forties by the river and jump in and out and ride my bike to the end of the world. know what i mean?

please no more therapy

mother take care of me

piece me together with a needle and thread

wrap me in eiderdown

lace from your wedding gown

fold me and lay me down on your bed.